Gil vel'Jendahr

[edit] General Appearance Behavior Preferences Abilities/Skills Background Journal Rumors Relationships OOC Gallery  Gillandaris vel Jendahr Gender Male Race Elezen Clan Wildwood Citizenship Coerthan Age 26 Guardian Halone Orientation Heterosexual Marital Status Engaged and Soulmated to Ayled Cooke Server Balmung Nameday 17th Sun of the 3rd Astral Moon Gillandaris vel Jendahr (pronounced gill-ann-DAHR-iss vel jen-DAHR) (17th Sun 3rd Astral Moon (May 17)) is an elezen born in Coerthas Western, where he resided with his family until the Calamity. At that time, he and his parents moved to Ishgard to house with his mother's family, a lesser noble family in the city. After returning to Ishgard, Gil met his shei'tani (see Background for more Info) Ayled Cooke. Height: 6 fulms 10 ilms Weight: 190 ponz Gil stands tall, even for an Elezen. But his frame is very slight for all his height. He has white-blonde hair and black eyes, that when you get close enough, look like stars in a moonless night. Gil is very proud of his name, and will only introduce himself as Gillandaris vel Jendahr, though most people call him Gil for simplicity's sake. Although he will never say otherwise, he actually likes when people call him Gil. Gil was very impacted by the death of his niece, Ellysetta, and it was this event that caused him to turn to Halone. Flaws ■ His faith in Halone can be a distraction ■ He has a tendency to not trust anyone ■ His focus is such that he will drive to one thing with the exclusion of all else ■ He is very prideful Fears ■ Breaking his oath to Halone ■ Losing his last remaining family ■ The dragon taking control Talents ■ A skilled Dragoon, though untried ■ Putting his foot in his mouth ■ Getting singing teachers to quit Hobbies ■Grooming his chocobo ■Training as a dragoon ■Writing in his journal Likes ■ Snow ■ Chocobos ■ People Watching ■ Halone Dislikes ■ His family's over-protective streak ■ Rude People Favorites ■ Favorite Color: Grey ■ Favorite Food: Frumenty ■ Favorite Drink: Faerilas (An aether infused water that restores energy and tingles on the tongue) ■ Favorite Scent: Ice ■ Favorite Place: Saint Reymanaud's Cathedral Weapons Gil is very proud of his lance, and polishes it daily. Magic Gil does not use magic, and has no care to. Crafting Gil watched his father for years make armor for man and chocobo, but has not tried any crafts himself. Childhood Gil was born to a tradesman father and a lesser noble mother. He was their third child, with two older brothers. He was born much later, as his eldest brother had already had a child before Gil was born. As such, Gil was caught between being ignored because his parents were tired, or being spoiled because he was so unexpected. Overall, Gil was treated well as a child, his brothers being extra father-figures to him that he looked up to. His niece, Ellysetta (Ellie) treated him like a doll as she was 9 years older than Gil. Teenage Years It was as a teenager that Gil lost both his brothers in battle. This was a difficult time for Gil as he was losing everyone that he was close to. But it wasn't until his niece was killed that Gil really struggled. With the death of Ellysetta, Gil plummeted into a deep depression. His parents suddenly became overprotective, and their concern made his emotions more volatile. It wasn't until Gil wandered out into the wilderness one night that things changed. Gil left the confines of home, the protection of the village, and fully expecting to not live out the night, traveled until he fell asleep under a tree. In this moment, he had a dream/hallucination of Halone protecting him, saying she needed him to be stronger so he could enforce her will. In the morning, when he woke up, there was blood all around him, but no real evidence of what happened. Gil claimed the dream was real, and swore to serve Halone, though recently he has admitted that it was the dragon taking control that saved him. Early Adulthood The Calamity had another large impact on Gil. By this time, his father had retired, and instead of struggling to stay in their village, the family moved to Ishgard where his mother's family offered them a place to live. As soon as he could however, Gil left Ishgard and the smothering concern of his parents to become yet stronger for Halone. Gil met a Miqo'te woman that became his girlfriend while he was on an errand for Ser Alberic. Though he thought the relationship was doing well, she said she could no longer trust him after the dragon took too much control, and so she left him. Returning to Ishgard to nurse his broken heart, Gil was wandering around Ishgard, working the chocobo stables or visiting the Cathedral. It was in the Cathedral one morning that he met his shei'tani, Ayled. Having spent time with Ayled, Gil quickly came to realize how he loved her, and not for the bond alone. Ayled has a very kind heart that he wishes to protect, though trouble often finds them. While planning their wedding, the ceremony was delayed due to the death of Gil's uncle, and the Lord of the House. Having only recently buried the man, the wedding planning will begin anew, though at a much slower pace as they deal with the negativity surrounding the death of his uncle. Other Info Shei'tanitsa bonding is a family trait. The male recognizes the bond when he first sees the female, and it is up to the female to accept and complete the bond. Both members must accept themselves and the other, good and bad, before the bond can be completed. Shei'tanitsa can only form between to equal parties. The bond is rare, and usually happens only once a generation, if that. Although love is not necessarily a part of the bond, it usually is a product of it, and the bond would not be there were love not possible. ((Numbers listed in parenthesis indicate the real world year associated with the events that take place to differentiate the dates without worrying about the 'time bubble' for future patch date changes)) Introduction: “My name is Gillandaris vel Jendahr and I swear my life into Halone’s service. From this day forward, every action I take will be to further Her will.” That was the oath I swore to Halone after she saved my life that night. She only said she need my stronger to serve her, and I have been training for Her ever since. As soon as I could, I left home to train as a dragoon. I spend a lot of time polishing lances and mucking chocobo stables. Truly, I don’t mind spending so much time in the stables. Yet I wonder if this training will really make me stronger for Halone. I do watch the other dragoons in the practice ring and am finding I can spot weaknesses among the others, yet how can I be stronger if I am never pitted against them? Ser Alberic did train the Azure Dragoon, and I suppose I shall trust in his techniques a while longer. I know not how much longer I can bear the monotony. Fifth Umbral Moon ((2015)): 24th Sun of the Fifth Umbral Moon: Ser Alberic assigned me a task today. It is different than normal as it entails going to Ul’dah. He told me to get a room at the inn rather than rush back. So here I sit at the Quicksand, awaiting a room. After I dropped my bags in my room, I went back to the ‘sand for supper and some ale. I ended up sitting at a table with a simple Miqo’te lad and a mute Hyur. The Miqo’te lad goes by Caen “if’n it please you.” The Hyur goes by Endel. It was a pleasant evening, though Endel knows entirely too much about Ishgard and the dragoons. Now that I’ve been to Ul’dah, perhaps I will come by more often. Even if it’s for no other reason than I feel I should keep an eye on Endel. 28th Sun of the Fifth Umbral Moon: Ser Alberic sent me to Ul’dah again. He suddenly seems to have a lot of errands there. I wonder if perhaps there is a lesson he is trying to teach me with these ‘urgent’ trips. But no, what can be learned from traveling such a long ways every day that I have no time to continue my training? Tonight I was sitting talking with Endel when this female Miqo’te joined us. Endel looked like hell, so I was trying to get him to eat the food Mother sent me. He refused, however Rihxo, the Miqo’te, seemed to enjoy it very much. I also saw Caen, the simple Miqo’te lad, again. Caen wasn’t there long when Endel suddenly dashed out of the ‘sand, followed shortly after by the sunny lad. Initially, I was apprehensive that Endel and Caen left me alone with Rihxo, but soon I thought nothing of them. Rihxo put me at ease fairly quickly, her bubbly personality making up for my reserved demeanor. She allowed me to try one of her pearl chocolates (which is good, though a little sweet for my taste). We discussed many things, like what she does for a living, and that she sings. I was ashamed to admit I am tone deaf. Rihxo tried to convince me that I could get better with practice. I couldn’t tell her I had already had lessons and that three, count them, three people quit teaching because of me. I did tell her my singing was more like screeching and somehow we started discussing how effective it would be if, instead of a battle cry, I were to sing. That’s the first time since Ellysetta died that I laughed, truly laughed. This bubbly little Miqo’te has stolen my attention and I hope to see her again. 30th Sun of the Fifth Umbral Moon: Ser Alberic has been sending me on nigh daily errands the length and breadth of Eorzea. Although it means I have not had much time to maintain my journal, I am still okay with that seems how it was something Ser Alberic told me to do anyways. Yesterday I went back to Ul’dah and Endel seemed quite entranced with the Roegadyn from the other night, so I left him alone. I spoke with another patron until they had to leave, but by then Rihxo had joined me. More and more, I find myself thinking of her. I am quite impressed with the tales she tells of her archery skills. She offered to give me a lesson and while I said I would be happy to take her up on the offer, I would insist on paying her and I would let her know when I am able to take a break from my training. I knew almost immediately what I wanted to pay Rihxo with; I also knew it would mean a visit to my family, who I have not seen since I started my training. So today, I made the dreaded trip to Ishgard. Thankfully, my uncle was away on business. It was hard enough convincing my father I could not stay. Mother happily made her pie, but I believe she has it in her head that I am courting Rihxo. While I was waiting for Mother, I decided a trip to Saint Reymanaud’s Cathedral was in order. While there, I spoke with a dragoon that pricks my memory, and yet, for the life of me, I cannot place where I know him from. We had a pleasant conversation, Halone watching over us, and it was a nice way to pass the time. Upon picking up the pie from my mother, I had to dodge her comments about bringing Rihxo for a visit. Now, here I sit with a pie beside me, waiting (and hoping) for some company at the ‘sand. I especially hope to run into Rihxo that I might offer my payment and ensure it meets with her approval. Sixth Astral Moon ((2015)): 2nd Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: What just happend? What…just…happened? Mayhap if I write it out from the beginning, I will understand it better. I was sitting in the ‘sand tonight when a Lalafell joined me. She looked as though she was injured, yet shook off my concern. She introduced herself as Nanagi, and I wondered if it was the same Nanagi that Rihxo had spoken of. I offered her some of the food Mother had sent me that day, especially as Mother had sent enough food for 4 or 5 people. It was definitely the same Nanagi, for then Rihxo arrived. Rihxo and Nanagi got in a fight, and although I did not get involved, I secretly wanted to agree with Rihxo that Nanagi should have been in bed relaxing. After Nanagi left, Rihxo and I sat talking for a little bit as usual. Eventually, Rihxo discovered the pie that Mother had sent. She joked that she must be pretty close to family as she keeps getting dessert. Before I knew it, I confessed that if Mother had her way, we would already have children. I do not even recall what Rihxo said in response, yet I continued embarrassing myself by saying that if they had Rihxo’s personality, they would be amazing. I know I must have been blushing, but the next words from Rihxo made me want to hide. Rihxo responded by saying that if they were ours, they would be beautiful. I could not speak. I could not even bring my eyes off the table. I know not how long I sat there, or how long Rihxo tried to get my attention before she left the table. When I finally pulled myself together, she was gone. I felt…alone. For the first time, I truly felt lonely. So I decided to take my leave, yet as I approached the door, I found Rihxo speaking with Caen. Although I am sure I turned red yet again, I was so happy to see Rihxo was not gone. In the span of a glance, I went from feeling utterly alone to knowing everything would be alright if she would only look at me, if I could see her beautiful smile light her gorgeous eye. Caen is more perceptive than I initially thought as he immediately asked if something had happened. I may need to re-evaluate my opinion of the lad. I also seem to recall him making a comment about how he wishes to find his mate, like Rihxo and I did, yet he walked away shortly after. I think I apologized, but if I did, I know it was still very awkward and may not have sounded sincere. Rihxo asked if I wanted to go somewhere quiet, and when I nodded, she led me to a bridge in Limsa Lominsa. Sitting there, looking out at the sea, I confessed my confused feelings for her. I do not know what I expected her to say, but it certainly was not that she has romantic feelings for me. As I write this, I now see that I panicked. Yet still, Rihxo was patient with me. She told me that if what I need is time, then she can wait, but she cannnot wait forever. I cannot remember what, if anything, I said after that, I was so focused on the feeling of her body pressed against mine as we cuddled. It was a pleasant feeling, one without any pressure, just comfort and warmth. Eventually, Rihxo had to go home, and I returned to the room I have at the ‘sand. Now, having written this, I am suddenly afraid. What if I take too long and something happens to her? Or that Elezen…Achillies?…wins her? I do not want to think about her not being there, and that, I suppose, is the best answer to my question. When next I see Rihxo, I will ask her. Perhaps Ser Alberic was right to have me keep a journal… 4th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: I ran into Rihxo in Limsa today. She was talking with Nanagi and a man that introduced himself as Valen. He is the man Rihxo calls the “Glowy Guy.” I am not sure I like him, and I definitely do not trust him. I was glad when he left, though I wish Nanagi could have stayed longer. In the process of talking with everyone, Rihxo took off the bandana that was covering her eyes. While the others were around, I tried not to become transfixed on Rihxo alone. As soon as the others left, I could not stop myself from getting close to her. Rihxo is so beautiful, I found myself unable to look away. The setting sun cast it’s dying light over her, lighting her hair with a gentle glow. The soft blue strands beckoned my touch, yet the look on her face, as though she was afraid I might turn away, run from her for some reason. The pain radiating from her eyes, the left dulled by the scars no less potent or beautiful than the right. I found myself reaching out, cupping her cheek in the palm of my hand, stroking the bone beneath her damaged eye, trying to communicate just how lovely she is without the ability to speak the words, all before I could thing about what I was doing. I remember not what we talked about as it mostly was just happy conversation, time spent together. Shortly, we arranged for the remainder of Mother’s excessively large package to be delivered to Maelstrom Command before I accompanied her to her home. Rihxo also invited me to stay the night, so I write this sitting on the couch that is to be my bed. I had met Ratoh briefly in the ‘sand, but this was the first time I met the rest of Rihxo’s sisters. Although, I hear Rihxo stirring, so further observations will have to wait ‘til another time. 8th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: It has been a busy few days, days that have been surprising. When I first saw Rihxo yesterday, I was floored by her appearance as she had a black eye. She told me not to take it seriously, that it was from a sparring match with her brother. Truthfully, that makes me take it more seriously for he should know to better pull his punches when sparring with someone so far below his level, yet I will leave further discussion on that subject for another day. After a while, Rihxo said she had something to tell me, so we went to Limsa, to the spot I will think of as ours from here on out. Once we were settled in, her body tucked up against mine, she told me what she had recently learned. She seems to be taking it harder than she lets on, finding out her parents kept so much from her, yet I know she is strong and will come to terms with it in her own time. The real problem lies with the Garleans that are now tracking the family. To help Rihxo keep her sisters, and herself, safe, I offered my services, pending approval from Ser Alberic of course. This morning, upon returning to the Observatorium, I sought out Ser Alberic, and was pleased to find him alone in his quarters, preparing for the day ahead. He looked at me questioningly, yet offered me a seat as though he knew this might take some time. Afraid that he would just deny my request, I started by telling him about Rihxo. I told him of how I met her while on one of his errands to Ul’dah, and how we had begun the relationship we now shared. Then I told him of Rihxo’s family, the brother she sees rarely, and the three sisters she lived with and how her parents were lost in the Calamity. Finally, I told him of the threat they now faced, the guardian I trust not assigned by Maelstrom to look out for Rihxo, and Rihxo’s concern for her family. I had scarce finished telling Ser Alberic the tale that he nodded at me, and told me Rihxo and her family needed me more than I needed to continue training. With Ser Alberic’s blessing, I returned to my quarters, put on my armor for the first time without going to train in it, and packed my meager belongings before going to Limsa and dropping off my bags. I changed back into my clothes so I could track down Rihxo. I found her, unsurprisingly, in the ‘sand with Endel and M’shi. Before I was able to tell Rihxo, I ended up telling Endel, who seemed to approve of the way things happened. I am glad to know that he is also going to look out for the Matoi’s when he can. 10th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: I am so furious right now, to a point where I cannot even think straight. When I woke up yesterday, Rihxo had already left the house. It was unusual that I slept in past sunrise, so I was not too concerned about it to start. I prepared myself a simple breakfast and was sitting in the silent (for once) Matoi house when there was a knock on the door. Upon answering it, I was greeted by a moogle bearing a letter for me. At first I thought it was from my mother and did not open it. Upon completion of my meal, however, there was something bothering me, a twinge I cannot define. I picked up the letter from where I laid it down and the feeling of unease grew stronger. I opened the letter to find it was not from Mother, but rather Rihxo. She said not to worry, that she might be gone for a few days, but that she was with Nanagi. As her words sank in, fear gripped my heart. I know from the stories she tells me that her archery is very good, so I do not worry…much…should she encounter monsters or the beast tribes, but we have not discovered anymore about the Garleans yet. The Garleans are not apt to send monsters or untrained beastmen; they will send trained soldiers, men and women that are taught to kill from an early age. I immediately donned my armor and sought out Rihxo’s sisters. I told them what had happened and that they were to go home. I also gave each one my pearl, an error I now recognize with Rihxo that we have not done, and told them to contact me if they needed me for any reason. Then I headed out in search of clues. Having already turned Limsa upside down looking for Rihxo’s sisters, I started looking further afield. I turned to Ul’dah, the only other place I was familiar with. After searching for bells in the hot Thanalan sun, I stopped in at the ‘sand for some refreshment. There I met Endel again. First, we stepped out into the alley where I explained to him what happened, and eventually we came to the same conclusion, that there is naught we could do but worry. Once inside again, we sat down at our usual table. While we waited for some drinks, Endel asked if I had received a promotion. I explained that normally my armor remained in Coerthas, but due to my staying with the Matoi’s, I had brought it with. When he queried me, I explained I had the dragon well in control. After an evening spent in his company (what is the man’s fascination with the letter ‘e’?), I woke up this morning to the realization that the clue I needed was in front of me all along. Nanagi herself was the clue. I needed to take what I knew of Nanagi and figure out where they would go from there. So I gathered information from Momodi and followed the trail to an Amal’jaa camp. In the morning, I will work my way in and see if I can find any trace of Rihxo and Nanagi. You can be sure they will receive a piece of my mind when I find them. 11th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: I admit I was angry. I also admit I was harsh with Rihxo and Nanagi. But my fear, for both of them, was more than I could bear. Before dawn I snuck into the Amal’jaa camp. It was quiet, and almost too easy to sneak in. But it was not long before I found Rihxo and Nanagi bound by cages. I was about to move in and set them free when a group of Amal’jaa came and pulled them out. I discreetly followed only to find that they were to be sacrificed to Ifrit! At that moment, I knew I had to act. The primal looked…excited…and hungry for power. But I still could not keep myself from yelling at them as I approached. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that I was more focused on chastising them than on defeating the immediate threat in front of us. Once we focused on the task at hand, we had no problems defeating the primal. With a few more words exchanged, we decided to relocate to Ul’dah. Nanagi led Rihxo and I to the Thaumaturge Guild where she knew the only people that would be able to hear us would be the guild masters, who would not say anything. I still am not sure they thought through this plan. Nanagi said she had someone staged to get Rihxo out of there if Nanagi’s linkpearl went dead. I felt compelled to point out that by the time the pearl went dead and Nanagi’s backup plan arrived, they both would be dead. Nanagi said something about her staff being irreplaceable. It was not long after that when Nanagi left. Suddenly, I found myself alone with Rihxo, all my anger channeled to her. However, I was no longer focused on their lack of planning, or the fact that the Garleans might have found them. Instead, I found myself coming back time and again to the fact that Rihxo left me no clue where they were going, no idea how to find her, and no way for me to contact her. At one point, I found myself sitting on the floor, my back against the wall. I do not remember how I got there, one minute I was standing by Rihxo, angry, and the next, I am on the floor remembering when they brought my niece’s lifeless body home. I found myself sharing my shame, the shame even my parents do not know about. The shame that I am to blame for my niece’s death for I was supposed to go with her that day, but refused. The shame that my temper tantrum meant I was not there to save her. Then Rihxo said something to me, something I will not forget. She told me she would not let me lose her. 12th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: Tonight I sit and write this at the ‘sand. Rihxo sits beside me in companionable silence while we wait new on Endel’s condition. I know not what bell it is, nor do I really care, I will wait as long as it takes. The day started as any other, even including the normal trip to the ‘sand. I saw only M’shi when I arrived. She was sitting at the table alone, fast asleep. Although I noted a chill in the air, discomfort of some of the patrons and employees, and a waitress cleaning blood from the doorframe, I did not pay it any attention at first. When Rihxo arrived, I was quite happy to see her after my behavior yesterday. But the happiness was not to last long as a waitress brought by Endel’s belongings. It was then everything fell into place and I knew something had happened. With dread, I reached for Endel’s journal and it fell open to a spot with a few pages torn out and odd little footprints, footprints that I then saw matched footprints on the table. It was not long before a group of patrons started discussing a dying Miqo’te from the night before. M’shi and Rihxo went to speak with them, and once I had established that the two women were far more dangerous than myself, I left them to see what other clues I could uncover. I found no other overt information, so I returned to the waitress that brought us Endel’s belongings. With an apology, a sizeable bribe, and asking what type of sights I should see, I was directed to the market. Although I was able to return to Rihxo and M’shi, we were interrupted by a cat before I could share the information. First this cat insulted our intelligence before explaining he was the dying Miqo’te from the night before and that Endel was likely dead in an alley. I know not what his motivation was, yet he did show us to Endel, and for that I am grateful. Upon reaching Endel, the cat continued insulting us and asked Endel if he would just hurry up and die already. I already had my reservations about the cat as he supposedly had lost so much blood the night before that the group of rogues M’shi and Rihxo talked to thought he should have died on the Quicksand floor, and yet he was hale and hearty now. But by this time I had taken a dislike to him purely based on his callous remarks. As soon as I was close enough to see Endel, I knew he was in bad shape. I am no stranger to injuries, I am a dragoon after all, and have minor knowledge of how to bind a wound or set a broken bone, but one glance at Endel told me he was well beyond my expertise. For a moment, I even though that Endel was dead, yet I finally saw him take a shallow breath, felt a weak pulse. Finally, his eyes opened. Regardless of the comments the cat made, Rihxo contacted Nanagi, who fortunately was only at the ‘sand, to come help. Thankfully the cat left us to tend our friend without his commentary. It seemed both like no time at all and an eternity before Nanagi arrived. I backed away to allow her room to heal Endel, which she promptly did. She moved back to the ‘sand to secure a room at the inn, sending M’shi to fetch water, and leaving Rihxo and I to get Endel to the inn. Although Endel tried to stand up and walk on his own, I sacrificed his pride for a safer, more expedient option; I picked him up and carried him. Upon reaching the inn room, Nanagi instructed me to lay him on the bed and leave the room. I was happy to comply, knowing I would merely be in the way. Instead I returned to the usual table, where Rihxo joined me. It was not long before Nanagi asked Rihxo for help. Almost as soon as Rihxo left my side, that cat showed back up. He kicked back and made himself comfortable, regardless of the fact that I wanted nothing to do with him. Rihxo returned much sooner than I expected, saying Nanagi kicked her out. I can only assume that M’shi remained behind to help. After a few back and forth comments, Rihxo prompted the cat to tell her who he was as he had intimate knowledge of her, even her penchant for having and sharing chocolate. The cat’s response was to pull out a mask, one I had only seen once for a very short time, one of a simple cat obsessed with chocolate. He was also coy about what happened with Endel; mostly stating that Endel was a hero, “disgustingly valiant and brave.” I am ashamed to say the cat knew which buttons to press to rouse my temper, almost beyond my control, the final straw being when he called Rihxo ugly and stupid. I now know why Ser Alberic said I was not ready yet, as I came very close to losing control of the dragon. The only thing that saved me, that grounded me, was Rihxo. The contact, however small, of her hand in mine, our skin warming to each other, gave me something to focus on. But even that was not enough for me to rein the dragon in. Rihxo, taking my other hand in hers, meeting my gaze, was the last push I needed to secure the dragon’s cage. The worry I saw in her eyes was the final piece I required to leash the dragon. Nanagi finally emerged from the inn and joined Rihxo and I at the table. It is good to know Endel will be okay. I am worried Nanagi pushed herself too hard in caring for Endel; she looked very weary and worn down. She did not stay with Rihxo and I long, leaving, I hope, to get some rest. Rihxo went to check on Endel, and I took the time to clean the armor that M’shi brought out. I do not have the skill to fix the armor, and decided I do should send it to my father when I was finished cleaning it. When I finally finished, I looked up to see Rihxo had rejoined me and was writing in her notebook With a little prompting, Rihxo said she would sing to me, and at no request from me, she turned to a page that I saw was dated the night she was caged by the Amal’jaa. The song she sang both made my heart soar and break, leaving me speechless. I could do naught but allow my touch to communicate to her how I was feeling. Finally, when I was able to find my voice again, I admitted to her my truest fear, the fear that I might lose her. In an effort to get Rihxo to share her concerns with me, I explained to her about the dragon, how close I had come to losing control, and how her touch was all that saved me. Tonight is the first time Rihxo spoke the words to me; the first time she told me she loved me. As I repeated the words to her, I came to realize just how true they were. I love her. Completely. I love you Rihxo. 16th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: I was enjoying a relaxing eve with Rihxo tonight, though it was also an evening where I was thoroughly embarrassed. Mother must have been afraid Rihxo was not getting her pies, and she would be right as Rihxo’s sisters have taken to opening the package as soon as it arrives. This time there were two packages, the normal one and one that was smaller with a mark on it that I never thought to see again, the mark from Ellie’s language for “mate of the heart.” Because we were in the Quicksand, I glossed over the meaning, though I should further explain it to Rihxo later. We passed a pleasant time until Endel retired to his room. Rihxo and I were sitting quietly, just spending time in each other’s company when suddenly, she pulled out a linkpearl and after a brief pause, dashed out of the ‘sand. She left so quickly she left her notebook behind. After a few minutes, I opened it to read the song she had sung for me the other night. I found myself reading every entry. When I had finished it in its entirety, I realized just how long it had been since I had seen Rihxo and suddenly became worried that something had happened to her. As I went to leave the ‘sand, I ran into Caen and a friend of his. With a brief explanation, they offered to help me find Rihxo. Upon leaving the ‘sand, we did not have to go far before we found Rihxo with Stalhart. He was not in good shape and he warned me to keep him away from Rihxo. I do not know what his reasoning is, yet I will be happy to accede to his wish. After he commanded Rihxo to run, and she thankfully obeyed, he attacked me. There is something unusual in his movements. Though they look much like any dragoon I know, there is still something wrong about them. I was grateful for the presence of Caen and Singing Raptor. Between the three of us, we were able to keep Stalhart occupied while Rihxo got away. We all sustained injuries before Stalhart stated there was no reason to continue this when his quarry was no longer present. With those words, he teleported away. I stayed for a short time to ensure that Caen and Singing were all right, but was worried about Rihxo and where Stalhart might have gotten to. I traced Rihxo to the rogue’s guild in Limsa. From there, we went to our spot, a more comfortable place than the front steps of the Sisters of Edelweiss. Rihxo confessed she does not want Stalhart killed, and while I only promised I would not kill him if he did not threaten her life, I will still happily kill the man should Rihxo be endangered. 19th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: I received a message from my father and so early this morning; I went to Ishgard and picked up Endel’s armor. By the time I got back to Limsa, the sun was about to rise, so I went directly to our spot to await Rihxo. There was a chill in the air, and rumors flying about a ship called The Danse Macabre. I let the information filter in, and it was not long before Rihxo joined me. A loud Lalafell was chastising what appeared to be an employee about the clothes found in one of the inn rooms. I could not help myself, and looking over my shoulder, I looked at the clothing in question. It struck me as similar to what M’shi wears, and upon commenting on it, Rihxo agreed. With a little discussion, the Lalafell gave the clothing to Rihxo, and finding M’shi’s pen in the pocket, told us we needed to act. Suddenly, all the clues fell into place, what few we had. I passed a message through Momodi to have Endel meet Rihxo and I at the Drowning Wench. With only a short delay, we made our way there, taking a table to wait for Endel. With the added rumors of flaming boards from a waitress, we decided to check out the docks. Unsure of what we were facing, I passed Endel his armor. He excused himself momentarily to put it on. I could not help but feel pride at Father’s work when Endel returned. Without further ado, we headed to the docks. A fisherman spotted Rihxo and asked if she knew what type of creature they had in a cage. My gaze was drawn to the single eye and leathery wings. This was the first time I had seen a voidsent in person. Before this, I had only seen images of them in books. The fisherman offered to take us to Costa del Sol, where The Danse Macabre was rumored to make port. I have been on watercraft before, back when we still lived in Coerthas, yet being on the sea was different than traveling the river. Shan’s words echoed through my head, the first time I had ‘heard’ his voice in a very long time. As the docks appeared for Costa del Sol, the boat shuddered, another voidsent crashing through the deck. Rihxo and I were knocked back before it turned and bit Endel. He attacked it with the spear he had been carrying, his grip and motions the same as an Ishgard trained dragoon. Attacking the creature myself, I drove it to the deck where it ceased moving. With Rihxo, Endel, and the fisherman swimming the last leg to the dock, I jumped to shore and found a rope to aid Endel. I also made sure to give the fisherman my family’s information so he could receive compensation for helping us, having lost his boat in the process. We started our search on the beach and it was not long before we found a set of footprints and a trail of blood. It led to a small cave where M’shi lay clad in a torn, black ball gown and quite obviously badly injured. Endel rushed to her side, and once again, I felt quite helpless as a friend lay dying. This time, I was not needed at all, so while Rihxo went to fetch M’shi’s brother from the docks, I stepped outside to watch the area for any dangers. Shortly, Rihxo returned with a short Miqo’te male with pink hair that I assume to be M’shi’s brother Trin. He swaggered up to the cave, his tail swishing softly behind him. I am not sure what to think of the man; he wears only a pair of coeurl briefs and carries a bag with him. Yet if he’s able to help M’shi, I cannot complain of his fashion choices. Oddly, while Trin was in the cave with Endel and M’shi, I had this overwhelming sense that it was raining, even to the point that I could taste it, but there was no rain falling. I drew comfort by Rihxo’s presence beside me, her hand in mine, and I pulled her into a soft hug. Endel handed me his spear at once point, and we shortly set forth for the inn at Limsa. Endel carried M’shi protectively. When we arrived at the Drowning Wench, the hustle and bustle of the port was vastly different than in the morning. Endel and Trin took M’shi to a room while Rihxo and I sat at a table. Endel came back out, waited for a waitress to return with two buckets and then promptly disappeared. After a long while, I noted Trin come out, where he spoke with Baderon before he left the Wench. I knew by the way he moved, weary, but with an air of victory, that M’shi would be okay. It was at this time that I allowed my relief to overtake me, my arm still holding Rihxo close. I do not like feeling helpless. 22nd Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: I found Rihxo tonight at the ‘sand, talking with the cat. I find myself unable to say anything around him for fear of giving him any ammunition to use against me. Thankfully he left rather quickly, allowing Rihxo and me to relax at the bar. Rihxo had a little too much to drink. I was enjoying her affectionate touches until Nagi came and warned me Stalhart was around. When he tracked us down, I carried Rihxo to Limsa while Nagi distracted him. After taking Rihxo to the rogue’s guild, I noticed Nagi’s pearl was deactivated and rushed to help, leaving Rihxo under the Sisters’ protective care. When I found Nagi, she was being chased by Stalhart operating a Reaper. I tried to distract Stalhart, but it was no use, he was focused on Nagi. She took a hit from his blasters after casting a spell that appeared to wipe her out. Stalhart left shortly after, leaving me to take care of Nagi. I contacted Rihxo as soon as I could asking her to get to Ul’dah and summon a healer. As soon as I carried Nagi through the front gate, I found Singing Raptor, whose timing is impeccable. Singing knew a healer nearby, and there on the street in front of the adventurer’s guild, she worked her magic on Nagi. All I could think of while I was sitting there was how I had failed Rihxo, how I did not deserve to stay by her side as I could not protect her. Once Nagi was stabilized, I carried her, accompanied by Rihxo and Singing, to Singing’s company house. After getting Nagi settled in, I left the others, knowing I could not stay with Rihxo, knowing I had allowed Nagi to almost be killed, I had to leave. Rihxo followed me, perhaps knowing that if she let me out of her sight, she would never see me again. At first, I was able to ignore her, but I should have known better; I have never been able to ignore Rihxo’s presence, nay, for I am ever acutely aware of where she is in a room. Just outside the house, I could not bear to ignore Rihxo any more. Turning to face Rihxo, I explained that I loved her, but I had failed her. I told her I was sorry, but that I could not stay. As unhappy as it made me to go, I stayed with Rihxo for so long that my resolve began to waver and both of our wishes began to be more important. Finally Rihxo said something that brought me to my knees. “I won’t let you lose me. Don’t let me lose you.” I truly fell to my knees, knowing I could never deny her that request. I apologized to Rihxo, promising to stay by her side whenever she wanted me to. We sealed the promise with a kiss. We returned to Nagi, ensuring she was settled in, yet when we got there, she woke up. Nagi said she had a plan, but that her and I would go get Stalhart and leave Rihxo with Singing. I did not say anything at the time because I did not want to upset Nagi, but I do not like her plan. If I learned anything from tonight, it is that I want Rihxo by my side, not somewhere that I cannot protect her. I want to keep my promise, to not let Rihxo lose me, to protect her. 23rd Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: I hope to wake to the same feeling for the rest of my life. And I almost lost the ability to wake to it even this morning. Even before I opened my eyes, I knew this morning was different. As I awoke, sensations began filtering in one at a time. First was warmth, a pleasant pressure on my chest, and weight around my waist. It took me a while to associate what all the sensations meant. The soft pattern of Rihxo’s breath played across my chest; her ear flicked in her sleep and brushed lightly against my skin. I lay there for nigh a bell just holding Rihxo, enjoying her warmth and the way her soft body was pressed against mine. Before I met Rihxo, I was focused solely on performing Halone’s will. I thought only by being stronger and fighting would I be able to fulfill my oath. Since I met Rihxo, I have been exposed to so much more than I could have imagined. I worry about her, and there is always a part of me focused on her, even when we are not together. She helped me find a way to leash the dragon in a way I did not know was possible. As such, it should be no surprise that I had never thought about settling down, of binding my life to another, beyond the abstract thought that I would be expected to continue the line. Since meeting Rihxo, I no longer imagine my future with a faceless woman. Now I only picture my life with the perfectly curved, blue-haired, green-eyed Miqo’te that is small enough I can easily bear her to safety. The same woman that I woke to find curled on my chest this morning. 24th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: After returning to the house early yesterday, I decided it would be a good day to maintain my armor. A thorough cleansing and oiling ensures it remains combat-ready. Especially with what happened to Nagi the other day, and Stalhart still being on the loose, I feel I must remain vigilant. I had finished cleaning my armor and sent a letter to my mother when Rihxo returned. I was glad to be in something that allowed me the pleasure of feeling Rihxo’s body against mine. When she told me she had something to tell me, my warning bells went off. Taking her to the couch, I set Rihxo in my lap, drawing comfort from her presence. The moment Rihxo mentioned Stalhart, I knew it was not going to be a conversation I enjoyed, a fact confirmed by Rihxo. I confessed that I wanted her with me and that I did not agree with Nagi’s plan. Rihxo’s next words made my blood run cold. “It requires me being used as bait.” All I could think was ‘no.’ All I could see was Rihxo lying broken in the white snow, her blood seeping further as I stand helpless to stop it, helpless to save her. Unable to shake the image from my mind, I continued to disagree with Rihxo. Finally, getting nowhere with my protestations, I admitted to Rihxo how the thought of losing her terrified me. Upon her promise that I would not lose her, I explained that losing her, I would be lost. Rihxo banished the image from my mind by telling me that it was the same for her. Focusing on the feel of Rihxo in my arms, her warmth curling against me, I told her I could not understand how she could care for me so much. I do not deserve Rihxo’s love; it is too pure, too good for a man like myself, a man that has gotten those I care about killed. Rihxo would not let that opinion stand. She pointed out all those I had saved as well. I could not speak for a very long time, merely able to hold her lithe body in my arms. Her hands ran soothingly through my hair. After agreeing to Rihxo’s plan, promising that we each would stay safe, I carried Rihxo to bed, uncaring that it was much earlier than we normally retired. I find myself wishing Rihxo would play with my hair again… 27th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon: Tonight I spent time with Rihxo, hours where I, if not forget, was able to place my concerns about Stalhart at the back of my mind. Tonight, Rihxo and I went on a date. Having never been to Gridania, I asked Rihxo to be my guide. Upon arriving, we went to the Archer’s Guild. I was happy to see where Rihxo has been doing her training. It was not long before my hunger implored me to find food. Rihxo and I went to the Carline Canopy where Mother Miounne treated us to a delicious meal. We finished our evening at Apkallu Falls. The beautiful setting was a perfect compliment to Rihxo. Sitting there, by the falls, Rihxo finally confided in me. For the first time, Rihxo trusted me with information I did not ask her for, information specifically dealing with her internal struggle and worries. We were discussing how sorry I am for what I said the night Nagi was injured, how I would be with her for as long as she needed me. Rihxo confided in me her fear of being alone. I knew then I would never be able to leave her. It sounds as though Rihxo is done in the bath, so I am signing off. I am going to ensure Rihxo trusts my words by suiting my actions to them, she will not be alone tonight… Sixth Umbral Moon ((2015)): 1st Sun of the Sixth Umbral Moon: I received an unexpected letter today. As I opened it, I was concerned to see it was from Stalhart. Afraid he was going to push Rihxo into a fight before she was ready, I quickly read over it. First, I was relieved, then confused when he told me to meet him alone at Behemoth’s Dominion. Aware, thanks to Nagi, that Stalhart was targeting me, I prepared for a fight. I hooked my lance to the bracket on my back, put on my helmet, and contacted Rihxo. I met up with Rihxo and Singing Raptor at Camp Dragonhead, where Rihxo had been training. I showed Rihxo the letter, and asked Singing to keep an eye out for her while I was gone. Knowing Rihxo would be safe; I followed Stalhart’s instructions and headed to Behemoth’s Dominion. It was easy to find him, kneeling alone in the snow-covered expanse. He started by saying he just wanted to talk, though I kept a wary eye on him. He asked if I loved Rihxo. I did not answer him directly, afraid of giving him more ammunition to use against Rihxo. He called my bluff, quoting a phrase Rihxo had said to me, calling me the “only one keeping her sane.” He claimed I did not have faith in her. He was not coy about wanting me to stay out of their fight, claiming it was the only way he could keep me off the list the Garleans had. I care not whether the Garleans are after me, but I do care that Rihxo not be hurt. I explained to Stalhart that as I am the only one keeping Rihxo sane, so is she to me. I explained that my faith in Rihxo is irrelevant right now as she does not have faith in herself. At the time she believes herself capable of defeating him in the fight, then too would she have my faith. He seemed to be trying to rile me to fight, yet all I could think was no matter the outcome, it would hurt Rihxo. So I remained calm. Regardless of Stalhart’s claim that he will not come after me, I will remain on guard. Cautiously, I retreated to Camp Dragonhead and Rihxo’s side, realizing on the way that I had left the communication line open on the linkshell between Rihxo and I. Knowing she heard the conversation between Stalhart and myself was both a relief and an embarrassment. Not that I would not say any of it to Rihxo, yet the manner of her hearing it was embarrassing to me. I held Rihxo close for a long time, cursing my armor for getting in the way of my feeling her arms around me. 5th Sun of the Sixth Umbral Moon: I cannot trust her, not when she seems intent on destroying herself. Rihxo and I were out in Coerthas Central Highlands, speaking of what is going on with her training, and how Nagi has disappeared. I called her stupid for doing what she did only to have her appear. We ended up arguing and upsetting Rihxo. I pulled Rihxo into my arms and took a different track with Nagi. I explained what had happened with my family, how I cannot trust anyone intent on disappearing. Even hearing that, she still left. From this point on, Nanagi Nagi will be dead to me. Rihxo then competed in the Grindstone, performing well enough to reach the semi-finals and taking the title “Field Champion.” Watching her fighting, knowing these battles were not to the death, was still difficult for me to see and not interfere in. I think it was training for me just as much as it was training for Rihxo. While we were there Nanagi Nagi asked to speak with us. So here we sit at the ‘sand, awaiting her arrival. 11th Sun of the Sixth Umbral Moon: I think I just screwed up with Rihxo. She will not be coming to get me. This evening started off well, with Rihxo and I going to Ul’dah. We arrived at the ‘sand and immediately Rihxo keyed in on that cat, walking up to him and starting a conversation. I do not understand why she keeps trying with those that have already proven they cannot be trusted. No matter how much he tried to get a reaction from me, I did not respond to him. But some of the things that were said made me aware something had happened. There was even mention of him being Rihxo’s protector. I was grateful when he left for the opportunity to speak to Rihxo. At first, I was only angry, questioning Rihxo about what was going on, but it was not long before the hurt started taking control. While the anger was still present, I asked if she did not trust me. How am I expected to know she trusts me if she never tells me what is going on, especially when it deals with people I do not trust becoming her protectors, taking over my role. I know she is used to hiding things from others, protecting them, not showing how hard she has it, but I thought we had addressed that. I left Rihxo in the ‘sand. Clearly she does not want or need me anymore. So here I sit, alone. As much as I know she will not, I still hope Rihxo will find me, tell me what a fool I am, yet it is only a fool’s hope, the last wish of a broken heart. I was a fool for thinking someone could love me… I waited for bells on my fool’s hope, there outside the Quicksand. When Rihxo never appeared, I knew she was done with me. Even though it was the middle of the night, I decided to return to Ser Alberic, to continue my training. Perhaps the cold will numb the pain… 18th Sun of the Sixth Umbral Moon: I lost my journal with everything that occurred. Even though it has only been a week since I was last able to write down my thoughts, it feels like a lifetime. For part of it, my memories are vague and hazy, yet for the rest of it, my memories are crystal clear. I was sitting outside the Observatorium when Singing Raptor found me. She was trying to help me, trying to entice me to fight when I had given up, yet she ended up giving the dragon control. There is a span of time that I do not remember what happened. Last I remember was running away from Singer to save her from the dragon. I do not know how much time elapsed before I realized I was surrounded by Singer, Rhoxi, and Rihxo. The dragon was still greatly in control, so much so that it was taunting Rihxo. Finally, with the help of an aether boost from Singer, I was able to cage the dragon once more, but something was not right; Rihxo was acting oddly. It was not long before she contacted me, asking me to meet her in Limsa at the overlook. I went as quickly as I could. Once there, I spotted Singer and Rihxo, and something about Rihxo’s demeanor told me it was not going to be good. I was right, for she told me she could not do ‘us’ anymore, she could not trust me, and she did not love me. I tried fighting it, even Singer tried fighting it, yet in the end, Rihxo’s mind was made up. Just as I was saying I would let her go, she dashed off. With a detour by her house, which was ransacked, Rihxo darted off to the Shroud, followed by Singer and me. There, Rihxo fought Valen, and once everything was over, she went to help him fight those that did to him what they did. After everything, I went back home to Ishgard. My family pampered me, denigrated Rihxo, and all in all, did the best they could to make me feel better. I spent my days at the chocobo stables, helping out, or at the Cathedral, crying in the comforting presence of Halone. This morning, I passed my mother and aunt in the kitchen, talking about me once again. I did not feel up to being around a bunch of people, so I went to the Cathedral. I took a moment to pay my respects to Halone before I sat in one of the pews. My head was bowed, eyes closed as I cried, and so did not see the woman. I felt a tap on my shoulder. After a question from her, I felt movement as she moved to sit beside me. She asked if I had lost someone, said she knew how that felt, but that I looked tough enough to pull through. Through my tears, I was able to tell her it was not lost, but left. This stranger did what no one else seemed able to do, she gave me something to focus on…she introduced herself and prompted me for my name. As I gave it, I glanced over at her, yet the moment I saw her, I could not breathe, my heart skipping a beat before racing. In the absolute silence of my mind, those words rang out like a bell, loud and demanding to be stated. “Ver reisa ku’chae, kem surah, shei’tani.” Unable to stop myself, I found myself reaching for her hair, the soft brown strands like silk on my skin, tucking it behind her ear. Her skin was as soft as I imagined, the porcelain perfect, maybe more so with the scar. Her blue eyes were both startled and confused, the depths drawing me in and, if only for a moment, banishing the sadness from my soul. When she moved away from me, the dragon started whispering, telling me how worthless I am, that I do not deserve Ayled. As I translated the words for her, I saw a blush creep upon her cheeks. “Your soul calls out, mine answers beloved.” I tried to explain to her that my feelings had nothing to do with the bond, though the bond would likely heal my broken heart in time. I do no believe I succeeded, my shock making me lose my ability to form coherent thoughts. Thanks to a barrage of questions, I was able to begin explaining what the bond was, how it worked, and what would happen, good and bad. Feeling her gaze upon me, I let her take what time she needed as I looked upon Halone. “She does what she thinks is best,” her words struck a chord within me, yet her next words stunned me. Why would she give me a chance? This question kept circling in my mind, the dragon chiming in and echoing it constantly. Just to be sure she was real, I caressed her cheek, getting lost in her eyes until she brought me back, the look of pain telling me she was also a product of her past. I confessed my biggest shame, that I could not keep the dragon in control, and that it pushed Rihxo away. Rather than run screaming, as I half expected, Ayled said perhaps I should not trust Rihxo if something so simple might drive her away. Afraid she did not understand, I explained that the dragon is always whispering to me, always trying to take control. Somehow, Ayled still called me strong for being able to handle it as well as I do. No matter how much I tried to tell her she deserves better, she would not listen. “Trust me, the only way I can think that you would burden me, is if you kept up with your moody, self-dismissive attitude.” Even now, after everything today, these words echo through my head. Wanting to learn more about Ayled, my unexpected shei’tani, and wanting to think for a while, I asked what brought her to the cathedral. Knowing she was offering prayers to her brother, I begin to understand just how much he meant to her. I told her a little about my family, why we moved to Ishgard, and the ones we lost. Coincidentally, Ayled’s brother was killed protecting her from a Dravanian. I hope someday she will tell me about it, but I know, better than most, just how hard it is to ‘get over’ the loss of a beloved family member. I did not mean to make her sad, though she told me it was not my fault. Everything always seems to be my fault, and I always seem to hurt people. Ayled called me a pushover, pushing me, though something made me think she was not completely serious. I bumped back against her, her laughter enchanting me as I explained how most of the time the dragon is validated. We talked about the dragon a while, about how it is always talking, how it uses things I see and think to make it’s claims seem plausible, and how I would just have to prove it wrong. Our conversation then turned to how I find her beautiful and how my gaze kept coming back to her. Even though she was blushing, she returned the compliment, in a blunt manner. I cannot recall anyone but my mother telling me so plainly, let alone Rihxo. Finally, we started speaking more of the bond, how there is a price if it goes unfulfilled, but mostly how beautiful the bond can be. This brought to mind my parents, how they love each other. In the interest of being open with Ayled, I asked her to not hide her true thoughts behind lies, as I have begun to realize that Rihxo did this frequently. I was startled when Ayled placed her hand on my chest, yet I was also very happy. Upon discovering she had been staying in the Brume for a moon, I knew she needed to stay with my family. I was relieved when she did not refuse me, pleased that she would always be close. It was approaching lunch time, so I brought Ayled home, introducing her first to my mother, who was momentarily speechless – a state I never though to see – and then my father. Both of them were immediately welcoming of my shei’tani, with no judgment. Before I could say anything, Mother had Ayled in a hug, and then me as well. I barely had time to react before Mother released us, offering Ayled food. Father too hugged her. I apologized to Ayled; sure their constant physical affection must be making her uncomfortable. I thought for sure something must be wrong with me if my shei’tani could bear my parents’ touch but not mine, as she said it was fine, but that earlier she was confused. “You are the source of all pain, even your touch is painful.” Apparently, my shei’tani can see right through me. No one else, not even my parents, have known what to do or say so often as Ayled has. This time, she grabbed my hands, asking ME for patience. Maybe the problem has never been me; maybe the problem was that no one cared to truly look at me before. My hands wrapped around Ayled’s then, her hands tiny within the warm embrace of my own. Trying to keep my parents from worrying, I kept my tone low as I explained just how loud the dragon was and reiterated that I was broken. For all of half a second was I allowed to believe she might withdraw from me. ”And why shouldn’t she?” I found myself enfolded in her arms, unable to breathe, unable to move, until she whispered, “Then I’ll mend you.” I exhaled in a rush, my arms moving to encircle her. Perhaps this is not so hopeless after all. I simply held my shei’tani, for the first time, closing my eyes as I was wrapped around her, enjoying how she felt in my arms. After I was able to release her, we sat down, enjoying a comfortable meal, good food, and even better company. I was happy, sitting there, watching Ayled eat and talk animatedly to my parents. Once everyone was finished, my mother made a crude innuendo, but as embarrassed as I was, I was glad for the excuse to whisk Ayled away. Before we left the house, I made sure to grab a coat for each of us, aware that the weather would likely turn cold if we stayed out long. We talked on many subjects while we wandered Ishgard aimlessly. I do wonder how we never met before, both of us living in Coerthas as we did. I also wonder if I ever met her brother. But I do know Ayled is right, the gods weave as they will, and they only do things at certain times because they see a pattern us mortals cannot see. Ayled truly is a good person. Even knowing how I feel about Rihxo, Ayled offered to go with me to ensure Rihxo was all right. I explained I did not think I could be around Rihxo, how around her the dragon never ceased pushing, taunting. I feel Ayled is also wise. She has me thinking on things I never imagined. Perhaps the dragon is helping me, often unintentionally. It has been very quiet around Ayled, almost too quiet at times, yet it has also saved my life. I should think on this more. As Ayled told me a little more about her brother, I admired the man, wishing I could have known him. Ayled’s pain was heart breaking for me, and wishing to make her feel better, I simply held her as we talked. When she pulled away from me, I got lost in her eyes, lost in a warm sunny day. In the quick, soft kiss I gave her, I felt that warmth to my soul. ”She will pull away. She doesn’t want you.” And yet, despite what the dragon claimed, even as she blushed bright red, Ayled hid her face, yet she hid by pressing against my chest. No matter what the dragon said, how I imagined she might react, Ayled always seems to do the opposite, always seems to surprise me. No matter that we had already spent quite a bit of time together, I found myself unable to keep my gaze from Ayled. She is beautiful and delicate looking; yet I see her beauty goes deep within and she has a strength I do not think she believes she has. Eventually we paused for a drink at the Forgotten Knight, enjoying being in each other’s company. Though when we continued on our way, there was a commotion up ahead. Seeing a nervous chocobo and boy surrounded by a circle, I spoke up. The circle quickly ran off and I recognized them as the gang of noble teenagers that has been instigating trouble recently. I made sure the boy was all right, but in trying to figure out if I knew him, I upset Ayled. I did not wish to answer untruthfully, or without due consideration, yet I realize now that I should have acknowledged her at least. After escorting the boy safely back to the stables, I guided Ayled to a nearby bench. She is so free with her touch, and it warms me, the feel of her caressing my hair, or holding my hand. Even the way we talk to each other is so different to what I am used to, so comforting. She truly takes my breath away, my shei’tani. So unexpected is she that one would think I would get used to it, yet I am glad. When her lips found mine, I froze, though the warmth of her in my arms, her body pressed to mine, had me reacting to her, returning her kiss. The feelings I had kissing Rihxo, at the time, seemed so passionate, so heat inducing. Yet this kiss with Ayled blew all those feelings away. Still gentle, this kiss both took my breath away and gave it back; it stoked an inferno within me, made me crave more. Even when the kiss was over, those feelings remained with me, coloring the rest of the evening. As the air grew cool, I assisted Ayled into a coat; placing one on myself though the feelings within kept me plenty warm. As darkness deepened, I led Ayled home, offering my room for her use. I hope it makes her comfortable, maybe helps her learn about me. I eased her concerns about where I would sleep, gesturing across the hall to one of the guest rooms. I watched Ayled open the packaged I had arranged when she was otherwise occupied, the joy on her face all the return I needed, the kiss she rewarded me with making it difficult for me to leave her to her sleep, making it impossible for me to sleep. Yet, as the clock chimes midnight, here I sit, amazed that so much has happened, my eyelids finally getting heavy. Thank you, Halone. For this, you have my oath for eternity. 19th Sun of the Sixth Umbral Moon: I was up early this morning on a search for the perfect gift for Ayled. I should say for someone to assist me in creating the perfect gift for Ayled. After searching for bells, and multiple people later, the gift was complete. As soon as I had it in my possession, I returned home, excited to give it to her. I was surprised to find her in my room, reading. It was not until she apologized and handed me the book that I understood. She was reading my missing journal. It seems that Rhoxi, Rihxo’s sweet baby sister, had found it and felt I might like it back. I worry that Rhoxi might be hurt, running away as she has, yet I do not blame her either. It appears her sister fooled us both. Wherever you are Rhoxi, know that I will always think of you as the amazing sister I never had, the sister I will always think of fondly. I assured Ayled that I was not upset that she read my journal. I was truthfully quite relieved, especially when she was more worried that I am fine with what happened to me. I never would have thought this, but as soon as she asked me, I knew that I truly was fine with everything for it brought me to Ayled. I decided then that it was time to start a new chapter, with my shei’tani, and I symbolized that by placing my old journal on the shelf, never to be written in again. Asking about her scar, I learned how her parents died. The pain and loneliness she felt made my heart hurt. It was the perfect time to give her the courtship gift I had just gotten. Guiding her hands to the snowball, I advised her to think of someone. The snowball showed an image of the day Ayled and I met, the two of us kissing. We lay on my bed for a while, just talking together. When I asked Ayled what she wanted to do for the day, she realized that she had a job to do that was arranged before we met. I started to put my boots back on when I caught a glimpse of creamy white skin, distracting me from my task as Ayled changed her clothes. She is so beautiful, her underwear and brassiere not hiding her muscled frame or her hourglass figure. As the expanse of skin was concealed beneath her clothes again, I was able to breath, to finish putting my boots on. As we left the house, I grabbed my lance. It was supposed to be a simple escort job, but you never know what might happen. The Lalafell we met at the Steps of Faith was rude and an idiot, for when the ambush came, he let the chocobos run off. Initially I only saw three bandits, though a fourth ended up running off later. They set off an explosion and an archer started shooting arrows at us. Ayled did not over-extend herself, nor did she attempt to take on the entire fight on her own. It was very different than fighting alongside Nagi and Rihxo. Her actions set me at ease. I noted the slight aetheric swirl of a protection spell and, with a quick word from me, she put the archer to sleep, disabling him from the fight. I took on the two swordsmen as they approached, stepping away from the carriage and Ayled. When the first blow glanced off my arm, I had a sudden image of Ayled being killed by that blade. In that moment, I let the dragon have control. In that same moment, my armor manifested, much as it had when I first received it. It took the dragon a few scarce minutes to kill the two bandits. I tried to wrest control back once the threat was negated, but the remnants of Singer’s aetherical boost had worn off. I could do nothing as the dragon taunted Ayled, tried to get her to leave me as he had done with Rihxo. But where he had succeeded with Rihxo, he only seemed to draw Ayled closer. She became angry, yelling at him, saying they better get used to each other as neither one was going anywhere. The dragon and I both saw her hand flying towards my face, and a brief moment before it landed, the dragon released control. I did not feel the pain, but rather felt a surge of wary hope. Confirming Ayled meant what she said, it sounded like she was going to say she loved me. My heart stuttered as she confirmed the words I had been wanting to tell her all morning. I was trembling as I released the words I had never thought to say again: “I love you too.” As I went to find the chocobos, I had plenty of time to think. Ever since we started on the road, the dragon had been whispering about how something was not right. And even as he taunted Ayled, I caught a whisper from him, further cementing the idea that he was trying to protect me, to help me out. On that walk, I made a deal with the dragon: I would not ‘cage’ him again, he could have control during battles, but he must relinquish it when the battle concluded. He added that I would not ignore his warnings when he spoke up. With the arrangement in place, we returned to the carriage with the chocobos in tow. For the first time in my memory, I was truly at peace, not waging a war within. The rest of the trip to Camp Dragonhead passed without incident. We stopped at the tavern for a drink and conversation. Ayled is very astute, yet I find I can still surprise her. It is an endearing combination. When I kissed her in the tavern with others around, I began to realize I often did not touch Rihxo in public and perhaps her discomfort made me uncomfortable, for I did not have a second thought about holding Ayled or kissing her in view of the tavern’s patrons. Returning to Ishgard, I was quite happy to remove my armor, exchanging it for my traditional pair of sleep pants. For the first time, I cooked for Ayled, the silence of the house a blessing as my family were attending a ceremony and did not get home until a bell ago. I had never heard the term “dreamboat” before, and certainly never thought to hear it in reference to myself. I will not doubt she believes me hot any longer, or that she desires me. Rihxo and I had always promised “I will not let you lose me.” At the time, I thought it meant the same thing. Now I know that Ayled’s promise to stay means something very different. Ayled laid her head on my chest as we lay on my bed, saying “Now it’s certain Gil, you’ll always be mine, and I’ll always be yours.” I covered us with a blanket, repeating her vow of “always.” I spoke for a while, not really about anything, although I may have slipped into my family’s language at one point. Ayled on my chest, our limbs tangled together, that is my happiest moment, the one I know the snowball would show me if I asked. I listened to Ayled’s breath, steady and rhythmic as she fell asleep, the quiet moment lulling me to sleep as well. It was a few bells later that I awoke to my family coming home. Unable to go back to sleep, I decided to unwind by documenting this eventful day. Tomorrow’s gift will be both simple and meaningful…it will be a thank you letter, a letter telling Ayled just how much she means to me. Please feel free to add your own rumors under PC! Some of these rumors may be untrue or greatly exaggerated. Common Rumors (Easily overheard) ■ "Who? Him? He don't talk much." - Quicksand Barmaid ■ "He stares a lot...it's kinda creepy." - Passing stranger ■ "That asshole?" - 'Fellin merchant Moderate Rumors (Moderately difficult to overhear) ■ "He has this fascination with a book...don' know what's in it, but he strokes it like a lover." - Miqo'te female ■ "I hear he's a mama's boy. She still sends him bread and everything!" - Elezen Lancer Rare Rumors (Very difficult or rarely overheard) ■ "I heard he had a niece that was killed while healing some wounded knights at a battle." - Matronly patron PC Rumors (Rumors from the characters of other players) ■ If I catch him staring again, I may have reason to poke out his eyes.  -a hastily-written anonymous note ■ "...I wish I could apologize to him, but I don't think he'll even look my way now." ~Rihxo Matoi ■ "Gilla... Gildrasss...veljerdahs? Whossat? Oh, ser Gil! Uhm... -er... he's an elezen! Ehe, I dunno much else." ~Caen Jabari ■ [He isn't as mean as he looks.] ~M'shi Mahji ■ "Gil... He comforted me when I needed it most, and he has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." ~Ayled Cooke ■ "I thought Rihxo was going to fix things with him. I was trying to help him, I hope he knows that." ~Trin Morwen ■ Insert Rumor Here ♥ Romantic Interest     ♥ Platonic Love      ● Good Standing     ● Neutral     ● Poor Standing ☠ Deceased ♥ Ayled Cooke Gil's shei'tani and fiancee. Ver reisa ku'chae, kem surah, shei'tani. (Your soul cries out, mine answers, beloved) ♥ Marissya vel Jendahr Gil’s mother, a lovely woman that wishes Gil would have come home under happier circumstances. Thank you for supporting me. ♥ Dax vel Jendahr Gil’s father, a retired armorer that worked in Coerthas Western Highlands making and repairing armor for man and chocobo. I am always proud of you and the work you have done, the things you have accomplished. ☠ Shan vel Jendahr Gil’s elder brother, he was killed in the Dragonsong War before the Calamity I miss you and your sage advice. ☠ Tajik vel Jendahr Gil’s elder brother, he was killed in the Dragonsong War before the Calamity Your stories of the front always excited me. ☠ Ellysetta vel Jendahr Gil’s niece, she was killed in the Dragonsong War before the Calamity I never thought to see your language again, so for Mother to use it really took me back. ● Endel Blanche: After sharing a drunken night with Endel, Gil truly considers him a friend, no matter the fact that the man has more secrets than pandora’s box. You fight as though trained in Ishgard. What happened? ● Caen Jabari: Caen is a sunny lad that Gil recently has realized may not be as simple as he seems. I hope you find what you are looking for. ● M'shi Mahji: A friend that Gil recently realized how important she is to him. You scare me with your penchant for running off into trouble. Gil is found as Gil Vel'jendahr on Balmung. What I am looking for/interested in: Friends (Because friends are nice to have) A good RP plot (Plots are good, any setting is fine) More RP partners (More RP = Good!) What I will NOT RP: ERP just for ERP sake (there must be a character reason for it) Killing my character (I won't allow for my character to be killed unless I say otherwise.) Complete breakage of lore. (I'm fine with lore bending, as I do that sometimes.) Links Gil's Tumblr Blog Annotations This template was provided by Unnamed Mercenary and contains elements taken from both Roen Deneith and Coatleque Crofte. I modified it from Rihxo Matoi, Nanagi Nagi, and Endel Blanche. Thanks Everyone! Gil by Yourou Gil in his armor Gil and Ayled. Difference in Height between Gil and Ayled Gil and Ayled. Gil looking upon Ayled (1st person view) Gil and Ayled. Gil looking upon Ayled (1st person view) Gil and Ayled. Gil arrives in Ishgard Gil prays before Halone, Saint Reymanaud's Cathedral Gil enjoys riding his chocobo, named for his niece Gil looking upon Ayled (1st person view) Costumes? Again? Only for Ayled... Ho-Ho-Ho Happy Starlight May all the wonders of the season... ...bring you joy and happiness. From us... ...to you! "Come closer shei'tani..."