Difference between revisions of "Sarnai Malaguld"
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Sarnai is a woman of layers and roiling internal conflicts. While she frequently presents a calm, unflappable front, on the inside she is rarely quite so stoic. Decades of conflict have hardened her externally, though there's still a surprising sense of innocence and naivety about her at times... And she is still learning to handle her emotions, after so long of completely freezing herself off from them. She feels everything honestly and deeply, and does not always know the best way to express herself or rationalize her emotions. | Sarnai is a woman of layers and roiling internal conflicts. While she frequently presents a calm, unflappable front, on the inside she is rarely quite so stoic. Decades of conflict have hardened her externally, though there's still a surprising sense of innocence and naivety about her at times... And she is still learning to handle her emotions, after so long of completely freezing herself off from them. She feels everything honestly and deeply, and does not always know the best way to express herself or rationalize her emotions. | ||
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− | She is slow to form trust with others or bond to them - lingering trauma thickens her metaphorical armor, making it difficult to breach. But it guards a warm and caring - if troubled - heart. Perhaps a bit TOO caring - Sarnai frets endlessly over the wellbeing of those around her. Nothing makes her happier than cheering up, offering advice, or comforting those she cares about, even if it comes at a cost to her. And in turn, nothing makes her sadder than being frozen out by those she cares for. Sarnai has intense self-esteem and abandonment issues that make her panic she has done something wrong every time something goes wrong and drives her to fear she will be discarded - as a result, she will frequently self-flagellate and bend over backwards trying to appease people she cares about if she feels they are upset with her. | + | She is slow to form trust with others or bond to them - lingering trauma thickens her metaphorical armor, making it difficult to breach. But it guards a warm and caring - if troubled - heart. Perhaps a bit TOO caring - Sarnai frets endlessly over the wellbeing of those around her. Nothing makes her happier than cheering up, offering advice, or comforting those she cares about, even if it comes at a cost to her. And in turn, nothing makes her sadder than being frozen out by those she cares for. Sarnai has intense self-esteem and abandonment issues that make her panic she has done something wrong every time something goes wrong and drives her to fear she will be discarded - as a result, she will frequently self-flagellate and bend over backwards trying to appease people she cares about if she feels they are upset with her. In addition, she is very loyal and is easily moved to gratitude by even small acts of kindness or empathy. Her devotion to the well-being of others is as much a self-defence mechanism as it is genuine altruism - she far, far prefers to focus on helping other people through difficulties than looking at her own issues. |
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She is still attempting to break out of her old habits of obedience and clinging to the guidance of others. She struggles to say no and put her foot down, especially when it comes to those whose opinions she holds in esteem. However, she has been realizing that this is not a healthy way to live, and is trying very hard to see herself as a person with her own value and valid desires. This has so far had very mixed results. | She is still attempting to break out of her old habits of obedience and clinging to the guidance of others. She struggles to say no and put her foot down, especially when it comes to those whose opinions she holds in esteem. However, she has been realizing that this is not a healthy way to live, and is trying very hard to see herself as a person with her own value and valid desires. This has so far had very mixed results. | ||
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In addition to her issues born of trauma, Sarnai has developed a few mental health concerns as a result of her colorful and destructive past. She has quite her share of demons and struggles with keeping them in check. This is not helped in the slightest by the fact she is in possession of a Dark Knight's soul crystal which she does not know how to safely use. | In addition to her issues born of trauma, Sarnai has developed a few mental health concerns as a result of her colorful and destructive past. She has quite her share of demons and struggles with keeping them in check. This is not helped in the slightest by the fact she is in possession of a Dark Knight's soul crystal which she does not know how to safely use. | ||
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− | Despite it all, Sarnai is not all doom and gloom. She frequently displays a playful, slightly mischevious side to those she is comfortable with, and posesses a good sense of humor. While typically introverted and guarded, she is not exactly shy, and enjoys striking up conversation with strangers. She enjoys learning about the world around her and listening to stories, particularly those of far-flung lands she has never travelled. She is amicable and can usually get along with almost anyone she meets, particularly when she is drunk. Much of her fearful self-conditioning vanishes when alcohol is introduced to the equation, allowing an early glimpse at the woman beneath the iron shell. | + | Despite it all, Sarnai is not all doom and gloom. She frequently displays a playful, slightly mischevious side to those she is comfortable with, and posesses a good sense of humor. While typically introverted and guarded, she is not exactly shy, and enjoys striking up conversation with strangers. She enjoys learning about the world around her and listening to stories, particularly those of far-flung lands she has never travelled. She is amicable and can usually get along with almost anyone she meets, particularly when she is drunk. Much of her fearful self-conditioning vanishes when alcohol is introduced to the equation, allowing an early glimpse at the woman beneath the iron shell. Sarnai notably has a wide sentimental streak that catches people off-guard often, and is something of a romantic at heart. Though she will very likely threaten to punch you if you point it out. |
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− | However, fate was unkind. While Shinji did indeed return having worked on himself, Sarnai was sucked into a dark, desperate | + | However, fate was unkind. While Shinji did indeed return having worked on himself, Sarnai was sucked into a dark, desperate place in the abscence of any kind of support and failed to meet his expectations of stability on their reunion. He chose to distance himself from her as a result, but Sarnai never stopped trying desperately to prove herself worthy of his love, throwing away everything she ever knew to try and build a life she could safely share. Since his return he has vanished from her life multiple more times, leaving her with many questions and fears, further confused by his claims that he still loves her. Sarnai feels she has no place in his life any longer, but she still hopes one day he will see that she is keeping a spot warm in hers for him and will let her in again. Though he has changed and Sarnai no longer knows how to approach or handle him, she cannot stop clinging desperately to the memory of warmth and affection and support that he once provided. |
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+ | As of late however, Sarnai has grown more dissapointed and dejected with the state of her and Shinji's relationship, and desperate hope has given way to bitterness. Repeated instances of abandonment and a complete lack of support or companionship have lead her to question what it is exactly they have, why she accepts it, and if the man she loved is gone forever - or ever existed in the first place. While Shinji was originally the one insisting they had no future together, it is only now that Sarnai sees why - though their reasons are likely entirely different. </div> | ||
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<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Sarnai met Euclio while she was working as a cook at Torama's den, and they had something of a complicated start. While he was pleasant enough on their first meeting, he managed to do several things subsequently that annoyed her intensely. For a length of time, Euclio (allegedly) inspired nothing but feelings of mild irritation and disdain in Sarnai, though he has slowly over the course of many encounters come to earn her trust, particularly after an incident in which he caught her up to no good and after a bit of a brawl he agreed to keep her secret and exchange some of his own as a gesture of goodwill. Though they frequently butt heads and on the surface can look more like enemies on any given day, Sarnai does secretly nurse a growing appreciation for the flippant young man.<br /> | <div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Sarnai met Euclio while she was working as a cook at Torama's den, and they had something of a complicated start. While he was pleasant enough on their first meeting, he managed to do several things subsequently that annoyed her intensely. For a length of time, Euclio (allegedly) inspired nothing but feelings of mild irritation and disdain in Sarnai, though he has slowly over the course of many encounters come to earn her trust, particularly after an incident in which he caught her up to no good and after a bit of a brawl he agreed to keep her secret and exchange some of his own as a gesture of goodwill. Though they frequently butt heads and on the surface can look more like enemies on any given day, Sarnai does secretly nurse a growing appreciation for the flippant young man.<br /> | ||
− | This appreciation would grow into something more resembling a traditional friendship as Euclio again and again stuck his neck out for her unasked, at risk to himself, when Sarnai was in distress or weakened. While she still struggles with her perception of the man due to certain similarities he calls to mind and her own paranoia, she would probably call him a friend with some hesitance if she was asked to define how she felt about him, and would not need to be asked to offer him any assistance.</ | + | This appreciation would grow into something more resembling a traditional friendship as Euclio again and again stuck his neck out for her unasked, at risk to himself, when Sarnai was in distress or weakened. While she still struggles with her perception of the man due to certain similarities he calls to mind and her own paranoia, she would probably call him a friend with some hesitance if she was asked to define how she felt about him, and would not need to be asked to offer him any assistance.<br /><br /> |
− | + | Euclio would again go on to surprise Sarnai by caring for her in a time of great vulnerability, when she was seriously ill and unable to fend for herself. That he had noticed she had gone missing and came to her unasked when nobody else did - going so far as to bring her food, encourage her to eat it, and try to cheer her up is something she would never have expected. She has revised her stance on the man, deciding that he is a good soul and that if he is willing to accept her as a friend, she will happily embrace him as such. | |
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Revision as of 01:33, 12 September 2019
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