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| − | ! <div align="center">'''Lessons With Yarzons'''</div> | + | ! <div align="center">'''Name'''</div> |
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| − | ! <div align="center">'''Journal Entry: 00'''</div> | + | ! <div align="center">'''Name'''</div> |
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| − | In the beginning of the seventh Umbral era the unthinkable happened. Fire rained down from the sky, as if the world were falling apart right before us. The chaos of the great primal Bahamut surrounded us; and for a second I thought we had already perished and by some cruel fate of Hydaelyn, we were sent to hell.
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| − | “What have we done to deserve this,” I whispered out, being carried away into a non-ablaze section of the woods.
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| − | A mere fifteen turns of age, it was almost like a nightmare, a sick dream. Just suns, moons, turns before...nothing could have shown something like this happening. Tensions with the Garleans had grown with the alliance, but such events of that of a primal summoning were not even thoughts of mine… they didn’t ''matter'' to us.
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| − | | |
| − | I spent those longs days, within the woods of the Shroud, studying and collecting herbs and bugs with Corbin. My brother, my best friend, the only person who ever gave me the time of day; probably not because he wanted to, but because if he didn’t who would? It was selfish, but that didn’t change that I loved every moment I was with him. Enjoying those days, never did I think they would become distant memories so soon. If I had known I would have cherished them longer.
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| − | “Rin, sit here. Sit still and stay here, please,” Corbin breathed out haggardly, coughing from the suffocating air. “CJ, don’t go, don’t leave me here,” I gripped onto him for dear life, crying out like I typically did. Though this time I had an excuse, this time I had a reason to cry. I wasn’t ready to let him go…
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| − | | |
| − | What if I never saw him again?
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| − | “We can still get away, maybe we can run far enough, maybe-” I stop short, choking on my own dry throat. I sobbed out some more as he struggled to pry my hands off of him. “We were going to get ourselves a baby behemoth… we can still do it… maybe this will all…”
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| − | | |
| − | “''Carina!''” he shook me frustratingly
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| − | | |
| − | Why was he doing this, why did he want to leave me...
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| − | | |
| − | I knew why... I knew why he wanted to go back...
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| − | “There are people suffering, and people who are dying. Lots of people. Someone has to help them,” he holds onto my shoulders tightly, I could see the fear in his eyes, “I need you to understand that I have to do this,” he leans down, kissing my forehead softly, then staring at me with despair, “sitting around crying... it won’t fix anything, it won’t change what’s happening.” Taking the glasses off his face, he peels my weakened hold off of him, and places them in my hands, wrapping my fingers gently around them. “Hold on to these for me okay, I promise you I’ll come back for them,” he smiles bitterly, as though part of him knew that was a promise he couldn’t keep. As if he knew it was the only thing that I would hold onto. “I promise, I’ll see you again,” I watched dazed, as he stood off and ran off. Before I had a second to latch back onto him, he was running back down to where the homes used to stand. I tried screaming out to him, for him to come back. What would he do if he couldn’t see clearly, if I hadn’t been so upset… if I hadn’t cried so much… he wouldn’t have given them to me to hold onto.
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| − | | |
| − | Watching it all burn to nothing was the hardest part.
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| − | | |
| − | I ran back in, as if there was anything I could do…
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| − | I had to take him back, I couldn’t leave him there to…
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| − | The flames surrounding me flared at my skin, biting me harshly and leaving painful marks.
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| − | I never did find him.
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| − | Eventually I succumbed to the heat. The unbearable suffering of my own skin feeling as though it were melting off my bones.
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| − | | |
| − | Would it be over soon?
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| − | | |
| − | Carina R.
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| | |} | | |} |
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| − | {| class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed wikitable" width="100%" border="0"
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| − | ! <div align="center">'''Journal Entry: 01'''</div>
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| − | |-
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| − | | [[File:Journal01.png]]
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| − | What seemed like years was only a month or so when I awoken to find myself in the care of a shelter. After the fall, and the disappearance of the great beast, it is said people came together to help one another in this catastrophe.
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| − | I couldn’t care either way.
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| − | He isn’t with me, and I am alone.
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| − | Alone.
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| − | My long hair, singed off from the flames of that bastard monster. My skin that was once so clear, other than the small freckles from the sun kissing me, was now destroyed.
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| − | It should have been me.
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| − | He was… no he is stronger than me, why would this happen to him, why would he do this... why would he leave me.
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| − | What am I saying… he said he would come back to me. He said he would see me again. He would never just abandon me, I just have to be patient.
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| − | It’s been fourteen months. I’ve been here wasting my life away instead of out there looking for him, what would he say if he saw me like this?
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| − | ''What would he think?''
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| − | No, I can’t let him see me like this, I am better than this. When he sees me again, I will be what I wanted to be. The greatest alchemist in all of Eorzea! I will find out how to kill the vile creature Bahamut, damn him! Things will be different, I will not be the same person I was…
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| − | I will live just as he would have, I will not let what he stood for go down with that creature. He is better than that.
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| − | ...
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| − | I wonder if he ever found her. I wonder if he held her in his arms during the end.
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| − | -Carina R.
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| − | |}
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| − | ! <div align="center">'''Journal Entry: 02'''</div> | + | ! <div align="center">'''Name'''</div> |
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| − | | [[File:Journal02.1.png | center]] | + | | [[Pic if desired]] |
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| − | It has been nearly six years since the Calamity has struck, since the Battle of Carteneau happened and the great beast Bahamut appeared and was brought down.
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| − | Nearly six years since I lost him. Corbin. My brother. My first love.
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| − | Months and months ago I may have never been able to admit such a thing to myself. Lost in a sea of denial and pain, I wished to believe there was still a way for my dear brother to still be with me. The one whom I loved, and who loved me so. Who took care of me and gave up everything to make sure I was happy and safe.
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| − | Holding on was so much more painful than finally letting him go. Even with Joseph by my side, there was no way I would have been able to have accomplished such a thing on my own.
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| − | I found myself a new family, people also broken and rough around the edges, meeting half-way to be there for one another. I had watched them from afar, and over time I found myself joining them.
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| − | It put off my plans to journey around Eorzea, but alas I am only twenty years of age. There are still many moons ahead of me to explore every mysterious and wondrous aspect of life.
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| − | In time before finding them and after, I have suffered through much, gained a great deal, and found myself both happier and sadder than I have ever felt in my life.
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| − | It is truly remarkable.
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| − | After I had recovered enough strength to leave the shelter I was in, months after that terrible day, I returned back to stay with my aunt Muriella. I had only spent time with her a few days in the past, often for outings with our parents or if she ever came to visit us. She would bring me gifts and treat me well, and so I thought she was family I could trust and confide in.
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| − | The suffering she wrought on me for three grueling years was, indescribable. Her business and actions are less than pure to say the least.
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| − | No... here in these pages is the freedom to speak how I truly felt and feel.
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| − | That woman is pure evil.
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| − | I had learned in my time with her why Corbin had taken me from my parents all those years ago and ran. Why he told me I was nothing but a tool to them and not to trust others who wanted me for my magic.
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| − | The magic I can no longer cast.
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| − | It still brings me great sorrow, but it seems it is both a blessing and a curse. I did not survive the burning hell of the Calamity by chance; and with that grace came these years of hurt, of learning how to be an alchemist to substitute what I lost, of living alone.
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| − | I managed to escape my Aunts grasp for some time, her disgust and disappointment in my new face and lack of magical abilities brought her sadistic fist upon me with great force. It was then that I managed upon my new company.
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| − | I really did not think much of this place, of the Infirmary I eventually built here with the empty dreams I used to have of being a healer, someone who saved lives. I made unlikely friends, some annoyances as well, but even some company is better than nothing at all.
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| − | | |
| − | I met him.
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| − | I was very reluctant at first with my kindness, even then while still under the influence of my tonics. He was a rather rude and terrible person to be around. Foul to others and myself, and violent as well.
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| − | Over time I got to be with him, whenever small moments he was at the company home, I could see there was something more behind those thorns he wrapped around himself.
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| − | And while those thorns made me bleed as I reached in to learn more, I wanted so desperately to be a hand for him to hold during whatever he was suffering from. I knew pain, and if I could not save a hundred lives.
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| − | Perhaps I could at least help one.
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| − | Things changed, I learned a great deal about him, some words we spoke I wish to keep in my heart than write here. I felt that by some strange event I had found a friend.
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| − | And just like all good things to come to me, he eventually suffered at the hands of my Aunt, at my expense.
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| − | Something even now I don’t feel I can truly forgive myself for letting happen.
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| − | No longer can I hear his voice, who while pierced others and even myself, also brought kindness and saved me from taking my own life.
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| − | But even so this changes nothing. Whether I can hear him or not, it changes nothing.
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| − | If anything this loss has brought us closer, something not even I could have ever dreamed of.
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| − | ...
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| − | I think I understand now, how Corbin felt when he went back into the fire for her.
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| − | For the person I knew he loved more than me, for the person he wanted to hold and be with till the end.
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| − | I know because I would do the same. I would return to the fire and take from my Aunt what she stole from me and what she stole from him.
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| − | Could I have said the same Corbin, to you? I loved, I tried, but with him...
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| − | I would have bitten the flames till my bitter end if it meant I could hold him another day.
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| − | I know you understand that.
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| − | Thank you, for your love brother.
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| − | And for you and me. For him, and my new family,
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| − | I won’t run from my fears anymore.
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| − | Thank you for giving me this time to learn and experience.
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| − | I just hope that in the time we were together that the smiles you gave me were real.
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| − | I know mine were.
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| − | Carina & Joseph
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| | |} | | |} |
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| − | ! <div align="center">'''Journal Entry: 03'''</div>
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| − | | Despite this being my personal journal, it appears I do not write in this thing until after significant events. Thus writing in it it seemed warranted.
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| − | I have been home away from Eorzea for a year now, having travelled to a strange world known as Vana’diel in order to become a Beastmaster.
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| − | The reasoning behind this journey was a simple one, but one that most do not realize. When my now dear friend Saiya had come to Eorzea on her first trip, that being a short lived one to my dismay, she had informed me that my relationship with Joseph put me on levels of that of a natural Beastmaster.
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| − | Striking my curiosity, I pried into the matter, wanting to know of what it took and meant to be this “Beastmaster”.
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| − | Not surprisingly sticking close to the name, it is quite simply means how it is read: one who masters beasts.
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| − | Even to my surprise however, it is never so simple as to just master a beast, and so I wished to go to where I could learn this properly.
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| − | The details on how I came to arrive in Vana’diel are convoluted indeed, and better to not write on paper, but I did make it there by a stroke of fate. Upon my arrival, it took the party I was accompanied with three days to arrive in San D’Oria. This place reminds me quite a bit of Coerthas’s Ishgard, although not quite as cold and snowy. The people there are just the same, xenophobia seems to run strong with the Elezen of all places. When there I was introduced to a man known as Hitokiri, who proceeded in being my instructor for physical combat and mental training until my time to venture out and learn the trade of mastering beasts on my own.
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| − | I had met my friend Saiya again as well, after having not seen her for a short while, and although she did not know who I was, and was rather rude, I was happy to see she was well.
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| − | Staying within a member of my current party's home for perhaps a month, I had become accustomed to the strangeness of this land and had already grew more in my training.
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| − | Roegadyn with tails, and not a single female one in sight.
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| − | Male Mithra seemed to be but a myth.
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| − | It was strange indeed, but I became used to the fact that this place, although similar, was also very different from Eorzea.
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| − | Along this year, my party had decided to take a trip to a city called Kahzam, located in a jungle. It was a wild trip, that opened my eyes to many possibilities of… perhaps freeing myself of my sufferings. Over the past two years, back in Eorzea, while my relationship with Serick and new found home did bring me happiness… I still was at a lost with peace. As though my mind could not physically move on from a single point in time.
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| − |
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| − | That statement not being too far from the actual truth.
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| − | My time there was spent mostly training with Hitokiri, journeying through the jungle and some attempting to swim. I didn’t quite succeed, but at least I managed not to drown. The ship ride home was pleasant enough, though as usual I did not get much sleep. Sleep never did come easy to me.
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| − |
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| − | The month passing the trip, I continued living within my party’s home. Saiya typically never appreciated my sleeping in the corner of her room, but I was just happy to see her alive and well. When I wasn’t inside the home, I had branched out to work more with the beasts outside the city, although even then my own personal motivation lacked tremendously.
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| − |
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| − | Without professional help, I was unlikely to get far in these endeavors. Most days upon returning back to the house I typically would sit outside and rest in the yard. It was less cramped there, and when I looked up into the day or night sky, it often reminded me of back home in Eorzea. I suppose despite the world's differences, they were never too far apart.
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| − |
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| − | In time I was offered to come live with Hitokiri, where he offered to continue training me. While I had no desire in becoming a Samurai, such as himself, I could see there were things to be learned in his teachings. Not wishing to be a burden upon Saiya and her partner, I went to live with him.
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| − |
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| − | Our time spent together was certainly pleasant indeed. While I might come to say the man is handsome and kind, and in time came to help me a great deal… it was best the two of us stayed on a relationship that was neutral. For as much as I came and have come to care about him, he will always be a dear friend to me. That in which I never want to see broken.
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| − |
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| − | There came a time when, my travels to Vana’diel began to erode on my memory. In time, Eorzea started becoming but a faint dream, I having to be constantly reminded that that was not my home. It hurt a part of me, to know I was forgetting where I truly came from. A part of me knew it was not normal, that something wasn’t right. Perhaps coming to a place where my skin was washed clean of burns, like a new slate, buried the horrid memories of Eorzea.
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| − |
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| − | And yet I still remembered some things. I still could not sleep in a bed. I still was haunted by those nightmares, every night. Watching as Corbin ran from me, feeling the skin burning off my bones. Something was not right. Hito grew concerned for my wellbeing. He knew from the start I was prone to impulsive and destructive behaviour, but in light of my forgetfulness is grew increasingly worse. Sleep came less, as did any sort of appetite. I did not know which was worse? Forgetting who and where I came from, or slowly killing myself from the sheer sadness of it all.
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| − | The only things that jogged my memory, were these journal pages, these writings to remind myself of the place I come from.
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| − | I was a mess.
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| − | An a mess my then instructor fought to help at any cost. Bringing a friend of his, Lady Myrrdral, a Scholar Lala… Taru woman. After studying me for some time she informed me that I was brimmed full of corrupted aether, something that only by the small grace of Hydaelyn… or whatever god resides there, I was some how able to survive. It was clear though that it would not last, unused to such physically exhausting training, my body was draining. Unless something was done with this aether corrupting me, I would surely die. All that kept me going was my life spark, the single drop of life that allowed me to hold to my will. To my soul.
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| − | I did not wish to suffer anymore, I did not wish to be plagued by nightmares or to watch myself wither away. I wished to be strong! For Joseph. For Corbin! For Serick…
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| − |
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| − | For Hito.
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| − |
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| − | I didn’t want him to be alone again. Not again… when I first saw his home. A state of disarray, no love no warmth. It broke my heart.
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| − |
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| − | I was his family, I didn’t wish to fall so easily. And so it was decided, Myrrdral assisted in making me rest in a bed, much to my own dismay before using a crystal known as Magicite to extract the aether. While in theory doing such too quickly would end in the taking of a person's life quite easily, it was done over hours… as the normal flow of Vana’diels aether flowed into me, replenishing what was lost in time with clear clean aether.
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| − |
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| − | The dreams I had that night were not only the most horrifying, but also the most satisfying. I finally grasped my peace.
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| − |
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| − | At least for then.
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| − | I still remember the sea that surrounded my boat, the stars above my head as they reflected down on the pitch ocean water.
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| − | I wondered how many other worlds there must be, how many other people to meet and explore... there was still so much for me to explore here.
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| − | And I couldn't wait to take part in it.
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| − |
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| − | Carina
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| − | |}
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